You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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