i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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