at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
