I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
