she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
be right there i have to get my cape
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
