I just cut my nipple shaving
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
