We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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