Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
