its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize