i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
