capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
