Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
