my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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