I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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