Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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