If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
