someone owes me an orgasm
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
