C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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