her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
