I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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