Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
