No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
