What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
