Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
