i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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