i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
