6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
