I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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