dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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