Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
