She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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