she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
