I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
