I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
