I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
