I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
