Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
