So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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