remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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