a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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