So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
