I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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