How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
