I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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