I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
