I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
