Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
