can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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