Sponge bath it is.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
