Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
