When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
