my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
