just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
