Need sex. Gaining weight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize