I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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