btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
