I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
