Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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