dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
