TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
