Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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