I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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