he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
