I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
