all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
