Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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