took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I touched a dick in church today
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize