im about as happy as oj after his trial
Welp...herpes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
